Songs that Didn't Used to Exist: 1/1/08 - 2/1/08

31 January 2008

The Internet Broke

And nobody really cares. Because it's not broken here! (Please catch the irony).

30 January 2008

CNN News Flash: Beef Cattle are Mistreated

In this article, which tells the woe-filled tale (age old, by this time, don't you think?) of an undercover worker videotaping the torture and misery filled final moments in the lives of beef cattle, CNN seems only to be able to point out that said treatment "raises questions" as to whether or not the resulting meat will be rancid or carry negative vibes.

As usual, you can count on CNN for the hard-hitting stories of the day.

28 January 2008

30 Rock

So last night, after many (many, many) people have insisted numberless times that 30 Rock is "actually a really good show" (They always say it that way. Actually. As if they know I'm going to think it sucks before I even say anything. Imagine that.), I watched two episodes. The first two episodes of Season 2, I believe.

And here's what I think.

I think the show relies almost entirely on the secondary or guest characters for laughs. For instance, in the first episode I watched, that guest was Jerry Seinfeld. While I think it goes a long way to adding to a show's credibility to be able to say, "we got Seinfeld," I think it's weird that they like, got Seinfeld, but, somehow the show still managed to be not that funny. Seinfeld, of course, delivered some legitimate ha-has, but Jesus Christ, it was not hilarious by any means. Apparently every episode is this guest laden, leading me to wonder why the main characters are so boring and unimportant.

I also take issue with Liz Lemon, the main character. First off, that name is preposterous and I fucking hate it. It SUCKS. Secondly, why is the character based on Tina Fey in some ways (she looks like her, and is kinda witty or smart) but not in others: like the fact that Tina Fey is seemingly happily married/partnered and has a child? Why must "Liz Lemon" be totally, pathetically single? Because pathetic is the operative word. I'm not just seeing something that isn't there. It seems to me like she is a bumbling, self-conscious loser who hates herself.

Now, I don't really need television to depict positive female role-models for me. I get those from the internet. But I do not like it at all when I am told, flat out, as I was twice last night within about 40 minutes of programming, that I am supposed to think of Fey's character as a strong woman-type. Because Liz Lemon occasionally spouts some gay shit about things "women" should and shouldn't have to do.. like last night, she tried to convince the newly fat blond that she shouldn't have that stomach surgery to get thin, but ONLY if it was to make the correct "statement" about the double standard in America. Really!? How noble of you to insist that someone else should remain fat for feminism! Thanks, Tina Fey! You're a huge asshole! I think it's retarded that in one episode your main character lolled around the office telling every subordinate employee that she'd been dumped, lamely spent thousands of dollars on a wedding dress, then, stereotypically, ended up comforting herself with a huge pile of food at the end! Way to live on the edge. Kudos.

Now maybe I caught Liz at a particularly bad moment. Or maybe, like her character's Wikipedia entry says, she is hideously "unlucky" in love. But why should she be? And why so pathetically? She's successful, not ugly, and a woman. More importantly, why must I see this portrayal as "strong"? Because she has a good job? I guess they've tapped in to something here. There are a lot of unhappy people in the world who must surely sympathize. I'm just not sure it's the makings for awesome comedy, when her singleness seems to be her main defining trait, and she herself is the constant laughing stock of the office. Or am I to believe this show is somehow subverting and reinterpreting? How smart!

That's my review, but I guess we could sum it up much quicker. "It's not as bad as Reba."

27 January 2008

Cheese Fondue Tips

I feel like a lot of people wonder this... I wondered myself for a long time, until I gave it a shot and here's my advice.

I always make way too much cheese fondue, and it NEVER gets finished. I don't know what you can do with it you have one of those fondue pots with just the tea light, but if you have an electric one, with which you can control the temperature, here's what I do, and it works beautifully.

While the leftover fondue is still warm, I put it into a plastic container with an airtight lid. That's how I store it in the refrigerator. The next day when I want more fondue, I load the whole brick into the fondue pot, and on the low heat setting, I stir with a wooden spoon the entire time, turning the heat up a little higher if I must. the oil separates from the cheese as it cools down, so when you're heating it up, it can look a little lumpy or funny as it tries to put itself back together. If its a wine based fondue, I feel like it takes even a bit longer. Anyway, you can do this even MORE than once with the fondue-- over Thanksgiving, I did it twice and it was great both times. Just use your brain, add a little flour if it needs thickening, a little more cheese -- you know!!

25 January 2008

Miley Cyrus: Just Like Everyone Else.

This image, purported to be Miley Cyrus (b., 11-1992) along with another, possibly more flattering one, showed up on Perez Hilton today (I respect his MS Paint skills, but feel he could have done better), and no, it's not photoshopped.

Other important news for the day:

Cop Poses as girl, 13, snags mayor online.

Miss America pageant re-tooled to simultaneously mock and make you want to fuck, reality show style.

Also be sure to check out US Weekly's cover story this week about the 10 Most Powerful "GOOD" girls in Hollywood, including our favorite bible-thumper, Miley Cyrus, Rhianna, and Vanessa Hudgens.

I'm gonna leave you to pull all the tendrils together on your own for now, but I'll get you off to a good start. I for one, find the above photo to be far less sexualized, processed, or offensive than the everyday stock photographs of Miley Cyrus released for publicity. What you see above is a 13 year old's take on sexuality. Sure, it's cute. Sexual to some. Whatever. Nearly every legitimate photo of her looks like an over-processed, overly made up, scantily clad school girl. Meaning, a 65 year old's take on sexuality. Which is preferable?

24 January 2008

Doris Lessing Continues Being Really Smart

So today in The Times (London), there was an article about how 88 year old Nobel Prize winner Doris Lessing just gave her first speech since winning the prize, and she had some choice words for the publishing/media system surrounding new writers.

Now, Doris Lessing is a really sharp bird, despite being older than both of my grandmothers. Let me sum up what she said: she basically said that it is really damaging that writers are now afforded celebrity status, often from the moment in which they publish their first book. Now, her deal is really concerned with women, and the attractive ones to boot. What she is telling us is that affording an up and coming writer who has just published their first work a celebrity status encroaches upon their ability to have "space" and time to hone their craft. I couldn't agree more.

We have moved beyond looking for a room of one's own, maybe, and now writers inhabit the modern commons room with all the other reality show stars and celebutantes. Writers have historically been outside much of this-- sure, they're "celebrities" in some sense, but not in the sense that people wait outside their houses and check to see what they're wearing when they go for a walk with their dog.

All of that is changing of course, and I take Ms. Lessing's point about this being a much more hampering thing for women than for men. Young females, it seems, who accomplish ANYTHING, even the minutest thing, can, if mildly attractive, gain an incredible and swift amount of attention. This attention, alluring as it might be, is inevitably negative should one need to accomplish anything beyond that first fledgling attempt at writing.

Writing is the ultimate solitary activity. It needs to be done, and it takes time. I think what Lessing is saying carries beyond the literary world as I ponder the meaning of celebrity at large in our society. It's as if we are constantly turning to any female (again, especially if she is not hideous) and saying, "my GOD! YOU'VE done this!?" with such incredulity that it belies our sexism at every turn. While being a feminist is and remains so important if you are a woman in any profession, we should be at a point where what one looks like -- "OH she wrote a book... and she's REALLY CUTE!" How fucking offensive! Fuck you!

What Lessing is saying is totally pertinent in areas like Indie Rock bands. We laud girls for just having picked up the guitar. As we should. But we should not be impressed merely because they have done it, but because they have done it, and what they've produced with it is good.

I think what she's saying is, give the girl some space, and you never know, the SECOND book might be something better than even a man could write.

PS: Someone over at Gawker thinks Doris Lessing was a mighty piece of ass in her day. Who knew they hired nerd-lovers over there?!

What's For Dinner: Roast Chicken & Vegetables

This is really so basic, but I rarely deal with animals whole. I don't know why, it always seems like it will be such a pain, even though it's not, really!!

Anyway.

I took a fresh 8 pound chicken, rinsed it out and dried it off. Salted the cavity (ugh). Inside it I stuffed: half of a large white onion, one whole lemon (with the skin pierced all over with a fork), 2 celery stalks, thyme sprigs, and a little butter. Oh and of course salt and pepper. Then I loaded the guy into the roaster (a totally supreme wedding gift), and put him in the oven at 475 degrees. I can't say for sure how long it will ultimately take, but it's been about an hour and a half so far. Oh, in the bottom of the roasting pan, I used the other half of the onion-- just lined up the slices on the bottom, as I plan on making gravy out of the drippings with about a cup of chicken stock when it's all done.

I am new to carving, but I have read several sets of instructions and feel more up to the task than I did at Thanksgiving.

For veggies, I have kept it really basic as well: just a dish of potatoes and carrots with a little salt, pepper and olive oil, covered with foil and thrown into the oven about half an hour after the chicken went in. So far, it smells amazing.

Update: It was DELICIOUS!! So juicy! No grease! We still have about one full breast remaining for lunch tomorrow! Hurray! Unfortunately, it did not occur to me to take pictures until there was only a carcass left.

22 January 2008

Dead Rising in my Living Room

I see this for "several" of my waking hours per day. Also, in my dreams. I'm pretty content with this situation.

19 January 2008

My Tummy Talks about Cafe Henri

We've been here so many times, and I've pretty much always liked it, but have never been completely blown away or anything. The food is consistently good. NEVER bad. Nothing on the menu will ever be bad. That you can pretty much count on. The past few times that we have been there, it has been especially busy. I guess that Long Island City's time has finally come... there are a host of good restaurants here (most, it seems, which, like Cafe Henri, have been here for years) which only recently seem to have picked up in traffic.

Anyway, the increase in patrons at Cafe Henri is only detrimental in terms of service, which, to be honest, has never been their strong suit. This is probably not the place to go if you are really high maintenance. That said, I'm not, I recognize that they are doing a job, and they do it pretty well.

Cafe Henri's strong suits are thus: their soups, sauces, dressings. They really pay close attention to details. They make great crepes, have good desserts and coffee. And they now serve wine and beer!!! You really can't go wrong with this place, honestly.

Anyway, here's a run down of what we had, quickly. We both had the Potato Leek soup. Like I said, they really are great at soups, especially puree style ones. They really know how to season, and they give you a nice big bowl of it. I had the Chicken Caesar salad, and I can say that while it's probably nothing special, it was really satisfying and just what I wanted. For dessert I had a delicious flourless chocolate cake, with vanilla ice cream. They serve it with raspberry sauce, a stawberry and orange slice, and it couldn't be better.

Yummmmmmmmm

HIGHLIGHTS: Dessert
LOWLIGHTS: Today, there were none!

Food= Very Good
Surroundings= Super Cozy
Other Diners (ones not at my table)= Pretty standard upper middle class types. Pretty white.
Wine= Too early for wine.
Price= Reasonable but not cheap. (Our bill was $55 for 2 people that each got two courses, drinks, and dessert)
Company (people eating with me)= OMG I loves him.

Cafe Henri is at 1010 50th Avenue at Vernon Blvd. in Long Island City, NY. That's the Vernon-Jackson stop on the 7 brother.

Previous Restaurant Reviews:

4 October 2007: Tournesol
3 October 2007: Brooklyn Label
3 October 2007: Diner
3 October 2007: Northeast Kingdom

18 January 2008

A Face Only a Mother Could Love

Okay, so I've kept my mouth shut about the tiger from the San Francisco Zoo because I've felt pretty conflicted about the entire thing ever since it happened. I will say, in my defense, however, that I never had any doubt that that tiger was taunted, which was finally just reported as fact after weeks of speculation and disagreement between the zoo staff (who said the tiger was obviously taunted) and the police (who didn't seem to think it was out of respect for the boys families, and the fact that they were apparently lying). This amounts to animal cruelty, in the context that it happened. But I'm getting ahead of myself. There are a few things I want to say.

1. I am on the fence about zoos in general. I love seeing the animals. I know that many of them are now endangered in the wild, and that zoos have, in the past 50 years, managed to turn around a lot of the things that made them suck so bad. I know that zoos now serve a very important secondary function: they are preserving the existence of some of these animals, and often trying to breed them. I know that zoo bred animals do not easily, if ever, survive in the wild. But our world is what it is, and it is in our interests, I believe, to try to manipulate it to the extent that we can. Meaning: a zoo bred selection of elephants is better than, say, the species going extinct. I know there are arguments against this type of thinking, but this is my gut feeling on this issue. Also, I think in the modern world, zoos are meant to, and often do, serve a really important educational function. For instance, my life-long love of giraffes comes out of my zoo experiences with them. Obviously, they exist nowhere in North America naturally. For a species like dolphins or tigers, I think that children seeing and interacting with them encourages humanity and awareness about what we have done in the past to decimate entire populations of these creatures, and thus encourages and promotes the important idea that our behavior must change. So, there's my zoo thoughts.

That said, I think that what happened on Christmas Day at the San Francisco zoo is kind of typical of this thing that, as Americans, we must get over. That is, our need to taunt death and danger, all the while thinking in the back of our heads that some organizational force, some "right" or privilege will ensure our actual safety. To some extent, the safety presented at a zoo for instance, is illusion, just as the safety on a modern airliner is illusion. We are, statistically and in general, quite safe indeed. That does not, however, preclude something happening, and in the event of that something happening, there is not always someone to blame. In this case, several factors played into generating the scenario which played out. Yes, the wall enclosing the tigers was lower than is generally accepted to be standard safety precautions at a zoo. However, the fact is that that wall had been too low since the 1970s, and not one tiger ever before scaled the wall to escape. Maybe escape had never before occurred to the tiger. Or, maybe escape wasn't what the tiger had on its mind even on this day. Yes, that's right. In all likelihood, it was the sight of three drunk, high teenagers standing on a wall yelling wildly that made the tiger behave the way it did. In fact, there's no doubt in anyone's mind that that is just what happened.

In a very literal way then, the teenager who died was "asking" for it, to the extent that he drew himself to the attention of a wild animal both verbally and physically. What seems to be the underlying truth of the situation is this: while calling to the tiger, taunting it, shouting at it, whatever, the boys undoubtedly both dared the tiger to attack them and knew that it could not. Except that they were wrong. It could. And it did.

While the youngster didn't "deserve to die," any smart person should/would have known the possible consequences for his or her actions when TAUNTING A FUCKING SIBERIAN TIGER, zoo or no zoo. You know that the zoo is run by human beings, right, just like the airlines, the police, the government? They cannot GUARANTEE your safety at all times, especially if you are behaving worse than a three year old. While the zoo owes it to the public to do everything to stand between the patrons and their collection of wild animals, we must accept some responsibility. That saying about messing with a bull and getting the horns exists for a reason.

If we are to continue having zoos, then we must, as patrons of that zoo, learn to behave like actual human beings, rather than wild animals. Because the animals are actually wild animals, operating on pure instinct. They will, if provoked, attack. Learn from the circus. Learn from Siegfried and Roy. Learn it. Or such situations will continue to occur-- the needless death of a human, the needless slaying of the beast.

Deal with it.

17 January 2008

Juno: A Review (from someone who hasn't seen it yet)

You know, I know I'm not the first to think or point out the things I am about to say about the film Juno, but I'm going to say them anyway, for three reasons: first, I love to talk about movies I haven't seen; second, I think this needs to be said; and third, I think I have a way of saying things that others... don't.

Anyway. Like I said, I haven't seen this movie yet, but it's been recommended to me by several people. People I know not only seem to like this movie, they also think this character is reminiscent of me. (Remember when people said I looked like these girls?! What a hoot!) Anyway. All the opinions of those I know and respect aside, I'm giving this movie a thumbs down, just on principle.

Now, I'm sure the case could be made that I take things too seriously. There's a real argument there, don't get me wrong. But, you know, in life, I waste little time actually hating humans, so I need to direct my aggression at things that matter, like art and music, books, and popular culture. You know: total shit. JK.

As I understand it, this movie is about a teenager who accidentally gets pregnant and the trials, slips on banana peels and laughs that ensue, albeit with a very postmodern style cynicism and cut-throat wit we've come to expect from our stripper-turned screenwriters. (I love strippers. It's just a nice turn of phrase).

Let me just stop here. The smart-talking cute little knocked up teen story is one we are all, having been teens in the suburbs, familiar with.

What I find shocking is that the movie, apparently, goes from point A to B full steam ahead. No thoughts of: morning after pill. Abortion.

Now, I'm not saying this is always the best option. But it IS an option, and one which, dare I say should be the most oft-considered option for a young girl in this situation. In what seems to be a pointedly non-political film, I find the ultimate message of the film to be ultra political, in a way that well, I'm not a fan of.

Maybe this is one of the factors that enabled CNN to proudly boast today that
abortions have reached an all time (well, since '74) low this year. Now, I am of course not going to argue with the fact that this is a good thing. Anytime murder rates lower (yes, I said it. Still Pro-choice) that's a great thing. But, what would be better is if the number of teenage pregnancies went down. And the number of teenage mothers went down. And the number of cute, quirky movies about the ups and downs of pregnant girls not ready to be pregnant, not sure they want to be mothers went down too.

Update: Apparently she heads over to the clinic but can't stand the heat. Man I need to see this movie.

11 January 2008

New Find!!!

I've discovered ravelry.com... a social networking style site for nerds like me who love to knit and crochet!!!

Because it's still in beta-testing (isn't everything, these days?!) you need an invite, but you can sign up for one and they'll invite you as soon as they open up a spot for you... it took me about 5 days or so... no biggie. So far, this site looks like it's going to deliver!! Very exciting!

Walking With a Ghost

I am quickly approaching the one year anniversary of my mother's death, and while I rarely feel the need to air my emotions/private life here, I am compelled to say... something about her. Probably because I have been alone with my thoughts for this whole past week -- Josh is at CES in Las Vegas, so that just leaves me and Penny and... what is it?

I guess there's a lot of sadness in me about losing her-- not the simple, tragic loss you feel when someone close to you dies, but the complicated, unsympathetic, aching kind when someone who used to be close to you, but for terrible reasons no longer is dies, leaving you to feel guilty for still being alive.

Now, I have no interest in getting into the topical details of my long and hard relationship with my mother, but I will say that the hardest thing about this "event," is that it happened during the most important and optimistic point in my life thus far... it happened when I was really happy. I was preparing to get married.

I confess I felt slightly pissed at her after a few months had passed since her death-- I thought, "You're even overshadowing my WEDDING! Don't you have the last laugh!" But that passed relatively quickly, once I realized that I would have to actually brave my wedding day without her, that my lovely husband to be would never know her, or how wonderful she really could be, and that, worst of all, my children would never know her.

The wedding thankfully came after a year of planning, and it was the best day of my life. Yeah, everyone says that, I know, but it was the best day of my life, not in spite of, but because of, all of the things that had happened. When Salvador died less than two weeks before the wedding, we thought, "we can't do this. He was so important, he meant so much, he was a part of our family. What right do we have to celebrate?" But we did it, and, for all the loss it was better. We were SO happy when all was said and done. What an achievement of will. I have never been prouder of a human being in my life than I was of Josh on the day of our wedding, and I have never been happier to be with family... both of them.

So on the cusp of the anniversary of my mother's death, I guess I've realized that for me, her death will always be inextricably linked with some of the most important moments of my life. Because her illness and death was no easy thing, and it felt like it lasted a life time, but when I came out on the other end of it, I felt that I had passed a landmark: this is what happens, this is what life is. I've done with it, I've done the best that I can. And I didn't have to do it alone.

10 January 2008

Avril Lavinge and The Rubinoos Settle Their Lawsuit out of Court, Everything's Hush-hush

We all know what that means. Told you so.

Here's all the previous shit I've written on this, my favorite "scandal" of 2007. Yeah, I'm into all the nerdy scandals. Nothing salacious here.

A Letter to the "Editors" of Rolling Stone 13 July 2007

Loves It 11 July 2007

Your Dear Media 6 July 2007

Vindication: Avril Lavigne, Lush, and The Rubinoos = Lawsuit 5 July 2007

Avril Lavinge's "Girlfriend" 30 April 2007

Hey! Hey! You! You! 23 April 2007

09 January 2008

This is Just Lovely, BTW

Hillary Clinton wins in New Hampshire= Really Good for the Electoral Process

I thought about this long and hard earlier today, and though I am a woman, I guess I've been leaning towards Obama. We did, after all, make those shirts. But, I'm a real Democrat, and a woman, and something about me has always had a soft spot for a Clinton. So, like the rest of the country, I'm a little divided at this point-- the first time ever in my voting history. Yes, last election I was an Edwards girl in the primaries, because I'm a real sucker for an underdog. But I liked Kerry, and I rallied in support of him when he took the nomination, and I think I'll be happy with any of the top three-tiered candidates at this point, though, after tonight, it's not looking great for Edwards, let's be honest.

Regardless, earlier today, when I was showering, I thought about what the pundits were saying and what the polls were saying... that Obama was going to trounce Clinton and win this thing. Now, no one can be sure, but I thought that if that happened, then Obama was likely going to take the crown of the Democratic party. Great, I'd be happy with that. But, like I said, I thought about it in the shower, and here's what I came up with: I am not ready yet for it to be over. I'm not convinced that the fight should be a knock out. I am not convinced that Obama is 100% better than Clinton. Now, this leaves me in a sticky situation to be sure, since I live in New York, and will vote along with most other people, on Super Duper Tuesday. I don't know who I'm going to vote for!!! And it's all because our girl won tonight! And I think that this is the best possible outcome! How exciting! How exciting for our process, that it's shaping up to be a real fight and I don't know somewhere in the back of my head who I think will ultimately win! I love it! I like to be an idealist. I like to think that Kuchinich could win. I think that everybody who loves him should vote for him. But for me, on Super Duper Tuesday, it's likely going to be a decision made in the booth. That's right, for the first time in my life, I'll make a decision on Election Day. I can't describe my feeling right now, other than to say that I am elated. I truly believe that come January, the United States of America will have either a black man or a woman in the White House. This is a win win situation for me, and for everyone in this nation. I haven't felt this excited since I cast my first vote, at age 18, for the incumbent president of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton. Now, when I voted for Gore, and when I voted for Kerry, I believed that they would win. But now, come November, I'm going to know it. I'm not willing to entertain "ifs" at this point, but let's just say that all my potential "if" scenarios contain me, Joshua and Penners in a far away land. Loving Life, Laura June.

06 January 2008

Obama and the Iowa Primary Election (or, we have t-shirts!!!)

Look, I don't want to rub it in, but Josh and I knew it all along!! This guy is a winner! Now, I can't take credit for the t-shirts-- that was all Josh's idea. But yes, we still have them, so check it out over at Audacious Hopers!!!

03 January 2008

Forrmer beauty queen accused of torturing ex

Nice one, CNN.

Iowa Caucus Night!!!

I might be the only person left on the planet that truly gets excited for this night every four years, but fuck it, me and Candy Crowley are gonna have a real good time tonight. Normally I make tacos in honor of the event. Not this year, but shit, I am really excited to live in New York for this election, where the primary is in the beginning of February, rather than Pennsylvania, where no one even bothers to vote because it's six minutes before the fucking general election happens. Whatever. I cannot wait!!!!

01 January 2008

Books: 2008

Here's where I'll be compiling my 2008 list of books read.

And we start:

1. Postmodernism, or, the Cultural Logic of Late Capitalism by Fredric Jameson.
2. Portnoy's Complaint by Philip Roth.
3. Fathers and Sons by Ivan Turgenev
4. The Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy.
5. The Portable Atheist by Christopher Hitchens.
6. The Dain Curse by Dashiell Hammett.
7. The Information by Martin Amis.
8. The Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton.
9. Sister Carrie by Theodore Dresier.
10. The Mysteries of Udolpho by Ann Radcliffe.
11. Life with my Sister Madonna by Christopher Ciccone.
12. In Our Place of Quarantine by Joseph L. Flatley.
13. When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris.
14. The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck.
15. The Road by Cormac McCarthy.
16. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
17. Mary, Queen of Scots by Rebecca Fraser.
18. The World Republic of Letters by Pascale Casanova.
19. Shah of Shahs by Ryszard Kapuściński.
20. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides.
21. Motherless Brooklyn by Jonahan Lethem.
22. Hotel du Lac by Anita Brookner.
23. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.
24. White Teeth by Zadie Smith.
25. Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris.

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