Songs that Didn't Used to Exist: 5/1/08

31 May 2008

Why the FUCK

is some other anchor touching JOHN KING'S MAGIC WALL? WTF HANDS OFF!!!

Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?

So remember those tulips I took really bad pictures of on Fifth Avenue? Well, they ripped them out right before Memorial Day. The tops were mostly gone, so it was for the best. Anyway, they're definitely planning something new, as you can see from the chalk lines they've drawn on both plots. Here's a photo. I bet on Monday there will be something new in there!! I kind of wish this was my job, designing flower beds.

27 May 2008

Apple Store, Fifth Avenue NYC

8:49 am Tuesday, May 27, 2008

26 May 2008

My Tummy Talks About: Cafe Grumpy

Not much to say here beyond the fact that they make possibly the best coffee I've ever had, and are really nice. What's it doing in that part of Greenpoint? Don't know. But it's close enough to my house that I'm not going to start pointing fingers. It's really that good. I didn't have anything to eat but who needs food when you have a delicious macchiato? There were kind of a few coffee shop tools in there lolling around with laptops, but whatever, they seemed harmless enough.

Cafe Grumpy is at 193 Meserole Avenue at Diamond Street in Greenpoint. They also have one in Chelsea but why bother?

25 May 2008

My Tummy Talks About: Acapulco

Insanely enough, Acapulco Deli and Restaurant has a website.

I can't really stress enough how much I love burritos. They've recently passed pickles, olives and strawberries to become my number one favorite food. Not kidding. Anyway, I'm not really one of those people who has a specific style or taste of burrito I'm looking for when I want a burrito: I love them all, unless they don't taste good. I love Chipotle so, you know, it's not like I'm running around looking for the most "authentic" burrito experience. That said, Acapulco has the best burritos I may have ever had. They make them just the way I like them.

Anyway, we order delivery/take out from there all the time, but last weekend I had the pleasure of eating in for the first time. It's a really no frills kinda place: basically a diner, but with Mexican food. They serve quickly and politely, but the decor i nothing to comment on. They do serve beer, and they have things besides burritos -- though I've certainly never had anything else. Actually, they have quite an extensive menu, including breakfast. Get there now.

Acapulco Deli and Restaurant is located at 1116 Manhattan Avenue in Greenpoint. And yes, "We Delivery."

My Tummy Talks About: Dressler (Brunch Edition)

We've had dinner at Dressler, but never, until last weekend, brunch. Since we also went this morning, we've now been there twice, and I can say without fail that this is the best restaurant I've been to in Brooklyn.

The coffee is excellent, the food is always perfect and attractively presented, there are minimal assholes dining there, the staff is nice, they take reservations (even for brunch which is amazing) and best of all? While it was packed or diner and has been every time I've ever passed by, apparently no one knows they serve brunch because there's barely anyone there. But, let's be fair: we do go at around 11:00 when most people are still nursing their hangovers.

Anyway, they also have brunch desserts. The one in the photo was the hazlenut demiglace I had last Saturday and today I had Strawberry/Rhubarb bread pudding. So yums.

Dressler is at 149 Broadway in Brooklyn NY

24 May 2008

Dear New York Magazine

You're really going out on a journalistic limb in your new issue when you ask is man "really a monogamous animal, aren't you. I don't really even know where to begin with this fucking stupid article. But let me try:

1. What about women? They're definitely catching up in the cheating world.
2. Why not ask why people prone to cheating bother marrying at all?
3. What in our culture leads us to believe that cheating is more "natural" to men than women and why is that belief false? Answer in twenty words or less, please. And spell them all correctly.
4. The cover. How is it that you can be both "happily" married and cheating? By what criteria are you defining as happy?
5. How is Elliott Spitzer's marriage in any way relevant? I mean, a public politician can hardly be called a "regular" guy.
6. What DOESN'T fucking suck about this article?

Google Reader for the iPhone

Can life get any better?!

23 May 2008

...For anyone into genealogy

Footnote.com is a godsend. Especially if you're from Western, PA. Regardless, it's old documents galore scanned at a pretty high resolution with an interface similar to flickr. It's amazing.

Apple Store, Fifth Avenue NYC

9:01 AM
Friday, May 23, 2008
PS: I think those people are in line for "The Early Show." NOT iPhones.

13 May 2008

Fresh Direct: They did it again!!

ONE can of beans, guys? COME ON!!

12 May 2008

LiveBlog: The Hills Finale

9:23 pm: This is the 2nd to last episode re-play. Brent Bolthouse just stressed to Heidi how "crazy" busy everything is, despite the fact that he appears to be not doing jack shit, and Josh astutely pointed out that his computer doesn't even have a monitor.
I don't believe Heidi when she says she's really "committed."

9:24 pm: Lauren and Lo are being skanks to Audrina, who's just kindly invited them to the Alkaline Trio sesh. Lo seems unexcited. She's my least favorite human.

9:26 pm Kimberly seems miffed as Heidi brags about her promotion, since she hasn't done any work in two years, and Kimberly's cube is ever-shrinking.

9:26 pm: Alkaline Trio has been reduced to being on The Hills. Oh well.

9:27 pm: Lo and Lauren arrive at the studio. "This is cool."

9:27 pm: Lo- "I'm hungry." And passive aggressive texting.

9:28 pm: They're gone.

9:28 pm: "They were here for like five seconds."

9:20 pm: "I think Audrina wanted us to stay like, the entire time." Or like, more than five seconds.

9:30 pm: Lo just pissed on her territory.

9:30 pm: Bolthouse is spinning the red carpet party! Fuck, this is better than the actual show. I'm telling you guys, Bolthouse is a fucking goldmine!!!!!!!!!!!

Josh: Is Whitney's new clothing line for hookers?
Me: Probably.

9:33 pm: Lauren likes to splurge on shoes. I just found that out.

9:34 pm: Lauren's sister's name is Breanna. A stripper name. Sorry Breanna.

9:35 pm: Fuck, how am I supposed to know what movie Stephen "who the fuck am I" Colletti and Lauren saw recently? I don't live with them!

This show is too good to internet during. Laters.

10 May 2008

CNN manages to say so much while saying so little

The Pope Says: Sex can be like, really awesome. And that's bad

First off, I'm not sure who is more ridiculous here: the Pope for spewing such nonsense, or CNN for reprinting it as if it's just a regular news story, and not the musings of a completely fundamentalist lunatic. And let's not beat around the mound of pubic hair here: that's what he is.

CNN's own helpful bullet points are the first clue: "Benedict concerned that human life risks losing its value in today's culture" Ummm excuse me? Are you even living in this world? I'm more concerned that the Holocaust was proof of that, personally. I highly doubt that someone you know, banging someone else is the ultimate expression people's dehumanizing of one another. Only in the worst understanding of human's sexual life can this explanation hold water. Dude, it's the building blocks of life. How can it devalue it?

Up next: "He praises document condemning contraception on its 40th anniversary" Yeah, no big surprise here, I seriously doubt he's going to get with the program on this one. I actually agree with the church here. Wait, rewind. What I mean is that it makes sense to me that the Catholic Church would have this lunatic fringe idea about birth control being bad. It does, after all, hinder the natural occurence of life. So I think that it is totally within the boundaries of their completely weird faith to think that not having every single baby possible would be a bad thing. I would however, be really stoked if they changed their minds on this one, but I'm not gonna hold my breath.

And now: "He worries that sex can "transform itself into a drug" one partner has to have" No offense Pope but have you ever even gotten laid? I mean, even once? Have you ever waited over three weeks before having sex with a guy only to have him never call you again? How do YOU know that sex "can" be like "a drug"? What are you even talking about? Sex addicts? That's a serious minority! I wouldn't get too up in arms about them, and besides-- again... what are you talking about? What does this have to do with contraception? I'm trying not to just write off every single thing you say based completely on your outfit but it's getting a little tough. Could you maybe help me out a little and start making a single lick of sense?

Jesus fucking Christ.

09 May 2008

Why does Perez hate Mischa Barton so much?

I am certainly not the first to point out Perez Hilton's rampant misogyny, but for some time now, I've taken note that he just, uh, kinda hates certain celebrities (I'd venture to guess they're all women, but I didn't do that much research) for what seems to be no fucking reason at all!

Perez's hate these days seems inexplicably to be focused on Mischa Barton. WTF? Seriously, a less offensive person I cannot fathom. Sure, maybe its linked to Perez's pseudo-Christian hatred for smoking, drinking, druggin' and the like, but really, one little DUI-- that sure didn't make him hate Nicole Ritchie, or at least not for very long... but then, she is so skinny, and there's definitely not a drop of cellulite on her. Misha's taken some heavy beatings in the press lately for "photos" of her sporting some nasty thighs but fuck, what did she do to him? I'd really like to know. I sifted through nearly 50 posts tagged Mischa Barton, and nope, not a clue.

I'm not sure he really should be one to criticize people's looks, personal styles or hair color choices, anyway.

The Damage:
"Really Mushy" May 9
"She Ruins Everythin" May 6
"Who let the hasbeen in?" May 6
"Mushy Sucks" May 5
Yup, that's just this week!

Book Review: The Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton

This book has more than a little in common with "Gone With the Wind," and I can only imagine that Margaret Mitchell had Undine Spragg, that bitch of bitches in mind when she put pen to paper to invent Scarlett O'Hara.

They both are married, I believe, four times (always for social gain and wealth, of course). They both are terrible mothers who couldn't even begin to pretend to care about their children except when it's convenient to look as if they do. They are both relentlessly vapid, though Scarlett seems to win out in the brains category-- Margaret at least insisted on giving her a good head for figures and cash stacking, while poor Undine just keeps ordering up shit from the dress makers, never once considering how much something costs.

Scarlett, again, wins out in that, by novel's end, she's learned what family and land (and that weird European combination) mean, while again, little Undine has her second husband's family jewels reset in the latest style and buys out her third husband's family heirloom tapestries out from under him with her fourth husband's inexhaustible source of funds. And she's STILL not happy.

There lies one of the main plot differences (I'm not going to get into deeper differences for the truly scathing social commentary that Wharton is making is far too heavy for a motherfucking blog, my friends). Scarlett ultimately redeems herself, as far as I can tell. While neither seem to know true love, Scarlett has found her home in the end-- the story ends on a note of hope. Undine is left desiring the one thing she cannot have-- the title of Ambassador's wife of all things!! She has ultimately realized that her husband(s) are as bored of her as she is of them-- because she's so goddamned boring!! Her husbands, all of them, are, in their ways, quite interesting ans intelligent.

So what am I to make of this? Does Edith Wharton just hate women?

Would that it were so simple. She seems to state again and again in her books, that women are (here she does it through the long speech given by Bowen) merely ornamental-- given no function, taught nothing. Undine is boring sure, but its implied over and over how smart she is-- she is after all, the most scheming women ever to hit the page! But she can't "focus" or organize her thoughts. She is just a spoiled brat, truth be told-- a woman with no function. Poor thing.

My take? One of the greatest books ever.

Finally, SOMEONE points out that Anne Boleyn was not a whore

That's right, they said it. Why it happened at The Huffington Post I'll never know, but it did and I was glad.

While it took hundreds of years to raise Anne Boleyn's reputation (think Mary Magdalene), she's recently found herself back in the shitter on the heels of the awful Showtime series The Tudors, and apparently (though I have not read it and fuck knows I never saw the movie) in The Other Boleyn Girl. Unfortunately for the world, history does exist (as does Wikipedia) and while it might not make good masturbation material, you might as well educate yourself once in a while.

Tulips This Morning

My own blurry photo, 5th Avenue at 59th Street, 8:45 am

06 May 2008

Oh, Hillary, You didn't drop the "n" bomb in your speech

nine-eleven.

fuck.

Honestly, I feel a little sad for Clinton tonight while she is speaking-- it's so obviously over. You can see it in their eyes. Well, thanks for fucking over the party to eek out a close race!! Later.

04 May 2008

Flower Post

Well I am very frustrated with every news and entertainment story I've read this morning, so rather than bore you with my thoughts on Lindsay Lohan, here are some pictures of flowers/grass/trees I've taken over the past few weeks in beautiful New York City...

Grace Episcopal Church

03 May 2008

Yep, Horseracing Sucks

The whole article from CNN/SI follows, but I have a few things to say. First off, Eight Belles was not, herself, trying to "win" a race. A bunch of rich assholes were using her to try to win a race. Sure, I understand you're all broken up that you "had no other choice" than to euthanize her on the track. But really, maybe she shouldn't have had to die with forty fucking million people watching her. Maybe she should not have been there at all. FUCK YOU.

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) -- Boy, did Eight Belles hang with the boys.

All that heart and her gallant fight, however, ended in the worst of all possible ways: a breakdown, an ambulance on the track. And, with no other choice, she was euthanized by injection.

The day began with hope and pomp. Bolstered by the sentimental support from 157,770 fans and endorsed by presidential contender Hillary Clinton and cheered by daughter Chelsea, the filly finished second in the Kentucky Derby on Saturday.

She crossed the wire 4 3/4 lengths behind favorite Big Brown. Then, with the second-largest crowd in Derby history still whooping it up, Eight Belles collapsed with two broken front ankles.

The magnitude of what happened was slow to reach the fans at Churchill Downs. Not only was a horse down, but it was the filly. And horse racing -- with the memory of Barbaro still fresh and the death of a horse coming only a day earlier on Kentucky Oaks Day -- had to confront grief one more time.

"There was no way to save her. She couldn't stand," trainer Larry Jones said. "She ran an incredible race. She ran the race of her life."

Jones' voice broke and tears glistened in his eyes as he considered his barn without Eight Belles' head poking out of her stall.

"Losing animals like this isn't fun. It's not supposed to happen," he said. "We're heartbroke. We're going to miss her, no doubt."

The field of 19 colts and the dark gray filly were galloping out around the first turn when Eight Belles suddenly went down on both front legs and jockey Gabriel Saez slid off.

"When we passed the wire I stood up," said a distraught Saez, a first-time Derby rider. "She started galloping funny. I tried to pull her up. That's when she went down."

An equine ambulance reached her near the second turn.

Eight Belles appeared to be galloping out normally around the first turn and was headed into the start of the backstretch when she dropped without warning. The crowd was busy high-fiving and celebrating and the distance from the grandstand prevented many from realizing what had happened.

"Everyone breathed a big sigh of relief that everyone came around the track cleanly and then all of a sudden it happened," said Dr. Larry Bramlage, on-call veterinarian.

Quickly, word spread about the horse that was down in the second turn. Fans focused binoculars on the scene, using Saez's red helmet to identify the horse.

"That's one of the saddest things I've ever seen," said fan Kathleen Brower of Louisville. "We went from the high for the winner and something like this happens. It just takes the wind out of the sails."

No more so than for Jones and owner Rick Porter.

Eight Belles could have easily been the wagering favorite in Friday's Kentucky Oaks, an all-girl showcase. But Jones and Porter decided to run her against the boys despite the fact that she had never done so before. She had, after all,solid credentials with a four-race winning streak.

Jones won the Oaks with Proud Spell and set himself up to pull off the double.

At first, Jones didn't realize anything was wrong until he began walking back to the stable area and saw Saez aboard another horse.

Reached by cell phone, a somber Porter said simply, "It's not a good time."

Afterward, Jones disputed any suggestion that Eight Belles had no business taking on the boys.

"It wasn't that, it wasn't the distance, it wasn't a big bumping match for her, she never got touched," he said. "She passed all those questions ... with flying colors. The race was over, all we had to do was pull up, come back and be happy. It just didn't happen."

If Eight Belles had labored to the finish line and been falling farther behind Big Brown in the closing strides, then Jones said he would have "really second-guessed ourselves severely and kicked ourselves in the pants."

But she hit the wire strongly and galloped around the turn without a hitch, leaving the trainer in the white cowboy hat feeling proud. Jones also trained last year's runner-up, Hard Spun.

"We were ecstatic," he said.

For a time, anyway.

Part of Eight Belles' appeal was her status as the first filly since 1999 to run in the Derby; the last to win was Winning Colors in 1988.

Hillary Clinton didn't attend the race, but she ordered her daughter to bet the filly. Eight Belles, who went off at 13-1, repaid the fans' faith by returning $10.60 and $6.40.

Winning jockey Kent Desormeaux and Big Brown galloped by Eight Belles in her waning moments.

"This horse showed you his heart and Eight Belles showed you her life for our enjoyment today," he said. "I'm deeply sympathetic to that team for their loss."

Bramlage said the fracture in Eight Belles' left front ankle opened the skin, allowing contamination to set in. At least one of her sesamoid bones was broken, too.

"She didn't have a front leg to stand on to be splinted and hauled off in the ambulance, so she was immediately euthanized," he said. "In my years in racing, I have never seen this happen at the end of the race or during the race."

Bramlage was hard-pressed to make sense of yet another breakdown that reminded fans of Barbaro's horrific injury two years ago in the Preakness.

"The difficult thing to explain with her is it's so far after the wire, and she was easing down like you'd like to see a horse slow down by that point," he said. "I don't have an explanation for it."

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/more/05/03/bc.us.rac.kentuckyderby.belles.ap/index.html?eref=T1

02 May 2008

CNN can think of many words for shit

K. I really love dinosaurs. So I was pretty into it the other day when I heard that some dinosaur feces was up for auction. Well, it sold, and CNN's report is, well, charming. They blew their load in the headline by actually using the word "poop," but, here's a quick rundown of what else they have on tap in the article:

Dung - 6 times
Poop - 2 times
Prehistoric Deposit - 1 glorious times.

The only remaining question I have is... how exactly is this a "Technology" story?

31 May 2008

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