Songs that Didn't Used to Exist: 6/1/08

29 June 2008

Are you buds with the LOC on Flickr?

I am, and you should be too. They update often, their photo descriptions are awesome, and obviously, they have access to one of the United States' best collection of photos. It's just nice to see what they're up to every time I log in.

28 June 2008

Writer's Rooms

The Guardian's "Writer's Rooms" this weekend serves as inspiration...I'll post a picture of mine tomorrow, when the light is nice.

CNN: Screenshot Caturday

"I'll rip apart raped kids, lawmaker vows."

Uh. Dude. Is that actually what he said?

UPDATE: Yes, that is what he said. Holy shit. This is awesome. In the way that it's one of the worst things I've ever seen.

Uhh... I have a serious Miley Cyrus problem

And it goes something like this:

I don't know what my opinion of the "Vanity Fair" debacle was. I think to a large extent, that people see what they want to see in photos. I also think that that particular photo and image being portrayed was actually far less offensive than Miley's day-to-day, "acceptable" tween image. And, here, today, upon the release of Miley's new video, we have a fucking prime example of what I'm talking about.

The below video, is, in my opinion, kind of disgusting. I really think the shots of the girls cuddling teddy bears is... creepy. I know that its supposed to look "innocent" but, are we really this stupid as a society? I mean, its like we're somehow just absolutely hell bent on kidding ourselves. Fine, they look like "children. I don't know what the message is supposed to be here, but I get the feeling that its something about Miley being "complicated" ---like, she's not a girl, not yet, like a woman.

Hey-- I think she's cute and don't actually have a problem with ANY of her stuff or photos or whatever. What I have a problem with is people freaking out when a photo of her in a bra surfaces, and yet, somehow, this video, which I find to be much more offensive in a really obvious and processed way, is fine for your little baby fetuses to watch. K. Done.

25 June 2008

WTF?! Does it really offend you that much?

Like enough that the dmv is now offering a free replacement to the now hated three-letter acronym for "what the fuck"? Where is your minds?! I thought dirty license plates were hilarious and sought after? My grandparents thought it was a hoot that they scored the phone number 836-HELL back in the early 60's when rendering phone numbers as letters was still common... so much so that the number is STILL in the family! Anyway, what's really stunning about this is that not only did the local news channel in North Carolina write a story about it, our good friends over at CNN thought it was worthy of a headline, too!!!!

This is real

I'm pretty familiar with "whitening" cosmetics, but I feel like most people aren't since they are marketed almost exclusively in Asia and how many of us actually read Jessica? (Hint: I do) Anyway. Let it sink in.

This particular product is known as "Cyber White EX" made by Estee Lauder. All the major cosmetics companies make them: there is Diorsnow. Clinique derma white. FANCL White Clear Mask. Loreal White Perfect. Guerlain Perfect White. Olay Definity. Shiseido White Lucent.

I am not judging these products. Yet.

Oh. I see what you're doing there.

This morning's headlines are indescribably low on lols. Anyway. Just a few things pop out. First, these are probably two of the least flattering photos of Obama and Clinton I've ever seen, and I've been looking of photos of Clinton since at least 1991.

Next, "Babies bodysurf to get Obama's kisses." There's a video of this one, so you might just want to head over to CNN to get an explanation. I didn't watch it because I'm not lame, but my guess is that the babies are not actually doing any Eddie Vedder style moves. More like their mothers are catapulting them toward Obama's head to see if any of his magic sauce will rub off on them at the touch.

And finally, apparently, a town is moving to ban couches from front porches. Not exactly civil rights weight legislation, but still, something I think we can all get behind.

24 June 2008

Perez Hilton and the afternoon "fuck off"

Look, I hate Denise Richards as much as the next "guy," but seriously, accusing her of having "cankles" in this photo is a bit... sexist... rude... untrue...etc. For that... fuck off. By the way, the obvious reference to cock sucking is a bit played, n'est-ce-pas?

CNN: Obama accused of 'distorting' the Bible

...FYI guys: that's not Barack Obama.

CNN: Screenshot Tuesday

...because I really just can't get enough. And I'm pretty bored. Here we go:

1. "Pirates take four European tourists hostage" This is probably the third story fueled by pirates I've seen in the last oh, I'd say... two months. What is this world coming to? PIRATES? Up next: thar bee dragons.
2. "Fuel costs could 'devastate' airlines" Dude. Consider them 'devastated.'
3. "Divers find no sign of ferry survivors" This sounds like a lyric. A pretty good one, too.
4. "Ticker: Mired in debt, Clinton wants help" ...wow! Clinton and I finally have something in common.
5. "Caffeinated moms drink up to keep up" 59 min -I'm including the time stamp only because I wonder... what could they have possibly needed to update about this "story"?
6. "Jury has case of Brit accused of killing wife, tot" I don't know, there just seems to be something truly tasteless about using the word 'tot' in reference to a murdered child. Truly.
7. "WCVB: Pregnant teen: There was no pact" Cool!
8. "No emphysema for Winehouse, publicist says" WOW!! So... let me get this straight... there was no pregnancy pact, and Winehouse does NOT have emphysema? Hmmm... where could I have gotten the idea that either of these things were true to begin with....
9. "WKMG: Man fights gator after losing arm" Did he lose the arm in an unrelated incident? Cause, if he had just lost the arm, then it kinda makes sense, right? I mean, it's a proven fact that you can have a limb torn off and suddenly appear unhurt and super human because of all the adrenaline in your system... but, I know, animal-interest stories. Your fave.
10. "Cops re-enact honeymoon scuba death" Don't know, don't know, don't know!!!!

Shit, I really was going to get off the internet for the night

but aren't you just dying for this guy to be president? I know that I am.

Where's my other green satin shoe?

...two guesses.

And one more thing before the night is through...

This seal was totally awesome. Why oh why did you retire it after just one showing?!

23 June 2008

CNN: Screenshot Monday

Allow me to, if I may, draw your attention to a few choice items currently available for view on CNN's "news" homepage.

1. "Gloucester pregnancy plot thickens." Okay. I'm familiar with this insane tale, but what if I weren't? What would I gather from this illuminating headline? Not much. Also: awesome application of alliteration.
2. " Supreme Court: Is Navy saving the whales?" My guess? Probably not; however, I know that CNN loves any headline including animals, so I see what they're reaching for.
3. "Sanchez: Can Obama's money buy him love?" Guys, did anyone tell you you're a NEWS organization? Is this just for clicks? Come on. I know it's 11;38 pm, but you might want to make sure your copy writers aren't on the sauce.
4. "Imus says new race remark misunderstood." Imus. America's most commonly misunderstood racist radio host.
5. "Groom passes as bride, could face charges." Yup. You lost me.
6. "Navarette: Tunnel gear, guts can stop illegals." What does this mean? I'm supposed to be more informed from looking at your website, but I'm merely becoming more and more befuddled with every passing moment!
7. "Sports bra saves hiker stranded in Alps." Now finally we get to the meaty stories!
8. "Men with 33.6-inch waists face fine" No comment.
9. "Guy hit by lightning on 49th birthday" One question: why 'guy'? Why not the more respectable 'dude,' or, possibly, 'bro'?
10. "New girl robot can kiss, hold hands" This is a little outdated.
11. "414-pound shark is biggest at grisly tourney" And here we are with the animals again. And you used the word 'tourney'...

Seriously guys, I might be forced to start getting ALL of my news from US Weekly. You're not giving me much of a choice. Bon nuit.

22 June 2008

I mean, they're not actually going to tear down Coney Island, are they?

Because really, there is nothing like it in the world.

20 June 2008

This Art

Is on the Pulaski Bridge and it's amazing. There was, this morning, some similar themed chalk art was there too. If it's not gone tonight, I'll photograph it.

New York

My brother is here visiting from Pittsburgh, so we've been out and about in New York for the past few days. I find it totally fitting that there is a fucking garbage bag on the Imagine Mosaic. Yes, I do.

15 June 2008

happy birfday 2 me:

YES, I MADE THIS MYSELF

I really liked Tim Russert

...but is this for real?

14 June 2008

My Tummy Talks About: 68 Bar and Restaurant

So we went here tonight. The menu looked great and it was close and we wanted to try something new. They have a lot of choices if you don't want meat, and we don't.

It's super cozy looking inside. I say, looking, because even though it's now only 70 degrees outside, it was about 90 inside. It was hot enough that Josh asked them to open the door. Which they did, and that definitely helped, but it made me wonder what it would be like on an actual hot night in summer. None too pleasant, I assume.

Salads were good. I ordered the Macaroni and Cheese. Not too hard to fuck up, though some places do it better than others, obviously. This place=not so good. First off, it was TINY. Basically a side dish. And while it wasn't expensive ($10), it was simply not enough food for an entree. Also, it wasn't very good. They didn't make a cheese sauce at all, merely dumped the macaroni in a little dish and grated the cheese over top then baked it for a few minutes, so that when I dug in, all the cheese came off at once, I ate that, then was left with the sad little oily noodles to eat. SAD.

Josh had Mushroom Risotto. He had to send the first one back because the risotto was so hard! But, they did make him a new one, and that one was very good.

They have good coffee, I'll give them that. Though I know it's a new place, we probably won't be back, at least until it's cold outside.

68 Bar and Restaurant is at 68 Greenpoint Avenue between Franklin and Manhattan in Greenpoint.

08 June 2008

My review of the new "Fleet Foxes" record

yeah, it's fucking great.

My Tummy Talks About: Cafe el Portal

Any place that gives me a margarita in a plastic cup to drink outside while I'm waiting for my table is classy and A-okay in my book. I didn't eat too much here-- 2 margaritas, some guacamole and also some black bean soup. It was all good, but a bit pricy in my opinion-- but hey, it was the location, I'm sure.

Here's the thing: it's really cozy and comfortable inside. It's pretty small, and everyone else (there were five of us) really liked their food so I'd definitely like to go back again to check out some of their other food.....

Cafe el Portal is at 174 Elizabeth Street between Spring and Kenmare in Nolita.

My Tummy Talks About: Taco Chulo

So it's been several weeks since we went to Taco Chulo, but I'm really behind and the heat is making me killer lazy...

As you may be aware, I love Mexican food. All of it. Taco Chulo makes totally awesome guacamole which for me is basically the most important element of a happy life. They also make really great margaritas, and we each had two so that by the time we left, we were giggling like old at a Tom Jones concert but hey! it was a good time.

Anyway, the burritos (that's all I'm interested in, sorry) are very good, but I wouldn't say that they're really anything special. -- I mean, I think they're great. Not mind-blowing or anything, but very good. It's worth the trip just for the guacamole, to be honest.

Inside Taco Chulo it kinda feels like a warehouse, which I don't like, really, but when we went it was really busy, which seemed to help that a little. Nothing fantastic as far as atmosphere goes, no deal breakers either. Like I have said before, I'm not a judge of authentic or not-authentic when it comes to Mexican food, but you know, it was very delicious.

Taco Chulo is located at 318 Grand Street (btwn Havemeyer & Marcy) in Williamsburg, BrooklynType your summary here

07 June 2008

So, John King is on the beat this morning

That's right, after nearly two weeks of life without the King of the Wall, he's back, reporting on the Hillary Clinton "Exit" -- either way, the fucker definitely has a tan. I see what you're up to!!!

Soooooooooooo HIllary is late. REAL late.

Wolf Blitzer just used his favorite phrase, "a little flavor." He's such a pervert.
Where's Barack? Golfing.

04 June 2008

ur presziduncy

Sister Carrie by Theodore Dresier (1900)

First off, I'm going to keep it short as I have literally just finished reading this book and I want to either crawl under the covers of my bed and cry myself to sleep or cuddle my dog into oblivion to let her know that I would never abandon her. That's how bad this book makes me feel.

I'd say he's like Thomas Hardy in that respect, but not as relentless. Sister Carrie turns the knife ever so slowly. It's hard to feel sympathy for Hurstwood in the beginning of the book, and I personally didn't see coming what came... On the other hand it's hard NOT to feel sympathy, from beginning to end, for Carrie, who indeed to modern readers at least, conducts herself pretty amiably.

The question of time I think, though, matters. This book was undoubtedly scandalous in 1900, for several reasons. I just read up on it a bit and found that it wasn't published uncut until 1981 -- so heavily had it been edited that anyone who wants to read it now should go out and buy a new version at Barnes and Noble or on Amazon or something-- I compared my Modern Library edition from 1952 to the new paperback, and the older one ends over one hundred pages earlier than the new one.

With good reason too. I'm not sure this book isn't just as scandalous in many ways as it would have been in 1900, but it seems to me for different reasons.

Ultimately, what resonates most with me in Sister Carrie is the passage at the very end, where Carrie is thinking with sympathy so affected by something pathetic she has just read in Balzac -- "Oh dear," said Carrie with whom the sufferings of father Goriot were still keen. "That's all you think of. Aren't you sorry for the people who haven't got anything tonight?" And it goes on. The image for me, of being so affected by a book, but so unaffected, in her way, by reality, is really striking, and, in a way I find that is what Sister Carrie is doing to me. It makes me feel so many things, but, after all, "What can I do?"

03 June 2008

Obama does it

I just have to screenshot kos here, who has the best line of the night.

In case you can't read the miniscule print, the caption says: "Obama wins, per CNN.

That dumbass McCain timed his speech so it would be preempted by Obama's victory announcement."

"Dehydrated Babies" -- John McCain

WHAT DOES IT MEAN!!!???

CNN Watch

Okay.

Wolf Blitzer is really into counting down how many delegates Obama has left until he "clinches" the nomination-- that's the word for tonight. Clinches. Every time he gets one, they play the sound and then shoot over to Blitzer who looks about ready to blow his fucking load as he repeatedly says the number OVER AND OVER AND OVER. He is not, contrary to the image above, wearing his headset tonight. Oh, would that he were!!

I'm partying it up, in my way, with a full-fledged coke, not a diet. I'm also wearing my lucky primary underpants, albeit for the last time. THANK GOD.

Man, CNN LOVES talking about slavery, sitting in the back of the bus, etc. I think Obama has really achieved something here, but this is EMBARRASSING. Separate bathrooms... that was just mentioned.

McCain, everyone's favorite reanimated corpse, is trying to peel off a few Clinton zealots by suggesting that the Democratic primary was decided by "party insiders" and "pundits" which almost NO ONE on the air can say. There is, for the record, no extra "n."

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. My mind drifts off for a minute and the next thing I hear out of McCain's mouth is "dehydrated babies." What the fuck does that mean?!

They just panned the crowd. About 12 strong, all white.

You know, I'm not sure I'm going to live through this election season. Or I'm going to have to stop watching. I forgot how INSANELY mad I get. I mean, Clinton vs. Obama is a tea-party of old ladies compared to this bullshit I'm hearing come out of this fucking geezer's mouth.

And he fucks up his WORDS ALL THE TIME!!!

Wow! This speech is boring. I wish he'd say "dehydrated babies" again and wake me up. Also, he says "grosheries"

The world are not vampire?

Yes, that's all I have to say about Obama today.

The world are not always vampire.
But usually, it are.

29 June 2008

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