Songs that Didn't Used to Exist: 7/1/08 - 8/1/08

27 July 2008

Either someone can't count, or one got away

So, this is a pretty big story -- the public hanging of (somewhere in the vicinity of) 30 people in Tehran for crimes as varied as murder, drug dealing, and avowing a preference for Britney Spears over Madonna. Regardless, I thought I'd take the opportunity to miss the larger issue, and focus on mundane details such as the fact that their count seems to be off by one. Cheers. Oh, by the way, in case you didn't follow the link to the actual story, they use a fucking crane to hang people, presumably to maximize the amount of people who get to see the show.

Shia Laboeuf is just like a member of my family!!!

..aka he loves to get smashed then go for a quick drive!!! Jk. So jk.

Anyway, do the British actually refer to it as "drink-driving" or is that a BBC typo, of all things? Only time will tell, but it would be sort of awesome if they did call it drink-driving.

Isn't it ironic? Dontcha think?

26 July 2008

Man shoots his lawn mower, police say

...uhhhhhhhhhh... this is fucking awesome.

A man pumped his lawn mower full of lead after it wouldn't start. "I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want," he said. I agree!!!!

Now, the thing is, I don't believe that people ought to be able to own guns. Any guns. Cause they like, kill people. And, apparently, lawn mowers. However, this guy now faces $11,000 in fines, and up to 6 years in prison. That's a little crazy if you ask me. Of course, he obviously has anger issues, and who knows how long it would take him to "graduate" to peeps, but still....

Come on. This country is insane.

Corn Packing Peanuts

So, we had a ton of Macy's gift cards from our wedding that we never used, so last Saturday, I ordered some cookie pans, and two aluminum pie pans (aluminum is the secret to good pies, but I have never owned any of my own), and they arrived yesterday. This morning, when I unpacked them, there was a card in there. Among other things, I noted that it said this:

"We would like you to know two key benefits about this new material:
1. It's 100% biodegradable - Made from pure corn and potato starch, the material breaks down in water within nine minutes. It won't harm the earth or animals."

Cool, I thought - cause I like the earth okay... BUT on the side bar, it says:

"There are easy options for disposing of this natural material:
-Dissolve in water and pour in the garden, yard, sink or toilet.

HOLY SHIT. Maybe this isn't news to anyone else, but it was to me. I ran over to the kitchen sink with a GIGANTIC box of packing nuts, poured them in, and turned on the faucet. NINE MINUTES? Try fucking thirty-five seconds, dude. Gone. Totally.

So awesome.

24 July 2008

Is this normal!?

22 July 2008

CNN: Sex slave fears she'll be forced back to rape city

There are no words. Sad story, pathetic headline.

10 July 2008

Skin Whitening Cosmetics Cause a stink in India

With Dodai over at Jezebel we see the beginning of the fallout of such a line of products and the horror they produce. Well... as I've noted earlier, similar products are also produced for the Asian market, albeit not by Unilever. No, the list of "unknowns" producing these products include Dior, Shiseido, Oil of Olay... you name it, really! So I have a few questions...

1. Why has no one really batted an eye at the Asian market products (or have they and I somehow missed it!?)
2. As these are all "Western" and white companies marketing and creating these products, do we assume they are also creating the demand for them? Or are they merely tapping into people's absolute need for porcelain white skin?

Anyway, this is pretty funny.

08 July 2008

My Tomato Plant gave birth

Pi Rewind: Thai Spring Vegetable Pizza

So yeah, Natalie is going to appreciate this. Several years ago I worked at a now defunct establishment called "Pi" in Pittsburgh PA. It was on Forbes Avenue in Squirrel Hill. Maybe because it is now closed, maybe because I live 400 miles from there now anyway, the Pi food is, let's say legendary in my mind. It seriously was the best when it was at its best.

I also happen to have a menu from its hey day. You see where I'm going with this, don't you? Yeah, I've decided to try recreating Pi classics from home. A few more details: I worked there forever and watched them mix their ingredients all the time, and my brother John worked in the kitchen there as well. I'm fairly certain he will be a pretty good resource when I start on the paninis. Anyway. Since I don't eat meat anymore this project is a little more limited, but whatever. I'm doing it. I mean. I've already started.

I've never made pizza crust in my life, and I knew going in that it was not even worth one second's thought or effort to try to recreate their pizza crust. In fact, I'm not sure that even trying to describe it is worth the effort but I'll go ahead. It is singularly the best and weirdest pizza crust I've ever had, but calling it pizza crust is misrepresenting it. So, when searching for a recipe, I really just wanted something that was thin and crisp-- I'm not really a doughy crust kind of person. Sooooooooooooo.........

1 package of yeast (that's 1/4 of an ounce) I use Fleishmann's -- from my experience making breads, I like this best. So you mix one package of yeast, 1/4 tsp sugar and 3/4 cups of hot water in a bowl. I didn't stir it very much, just enough to make sure there were no little pockets of yeast hiding in there all dry. That sits for about 10 minutes. In a big bowl, mix 1 3/4 cups flour and 1/2 tsp of sugar . Grease the pan with olive oil. When you pour the yeast water over the flour mixture, use a big tough spoon to mix it to a doughy consistency and get it out onto the counter (which is floured!) Because I use a prep table as my counter, I just knead my dough right on there. Knead for abut 2 minutes, then pull it out by hand into the desired shape. I was baking on a 9 by 12 rectangle, so I pushed it out into the corners that way. I put some olive oil on the top of the crust, and baked it at 375 degrees for about 10 minutes.

For the toppings, well, I fucked up the original recipe. Remember how I said I had that menu? Well, I do. But I knew this pizza so well (nevermind that it's been nearly 4 years since it has touched my lips) that I didn't bother looking. WHOOOPS. Regardless, this pizza was fucking delicious. Now, Pi, I may not have mentioned, was a "gourmet" pizza place. I'm not really into that in theory, but they really came up with some whoppers, and I have to say, you could put basically anything on that crust and it would turn out fantastic. Anyway. I remembered the pi having cilantro on it when in actuality it had had lemongrass, AND I totally forgot that there were mushrooms on it-- a key component. Also, I used mozzarella cheese, not provolone. ANYWAY, it was good so here's what I did:

In a big skillet, heat up 1-2 tbsp olive oil
Add about 1/2 large white onion, thinly sliced. Cook on medium until brown.
Then add: 1 small head cauliflower and an equal amount of broccoli. Sautee that a bit, turn it down and cover it up. The idea is to get it well cooked but not soggy. Add a little more olive oil if you have to but you don't really want a greasy pizza.

While that cooked down, I shredded my cheese, and spread it on the bare crust. Yes, this is a sauceless pizza. Then dump on the veggie mix, and bake at 425 degrees for 25 minutes, until it's starting to brown on the top. It was really delicious, even on day two (today)

05 July 2008

Hitler loses his head at Berlin Tussauds

...don't worry, they still have Tom Cruise!!!

04 July 2008

LOL

Holy Shit

My Plants

If only I knew what this was!!!

Philodendron

Dill

Baby spiderling

Jade

Aloe

Ivy

Christmas Cactus

I'm very proud of them, and took some pictures of them this morning. They turned out much better once Josh showed me how to use the camera properly. Who knew?

03 July 2008

CNN: Screenshot Thursday

Okay. Let's see what we have here.
1. Freedom poses challenges for former hostages. Sure, but, I'm going to venture to guess it doesn't actually pose as many 'challenges' as being hostages did.
2. Wildfire descends on storied tourist town. Well, that's dramatic and alliterative.
3. 'Beautiful person' died on hospital floor. Well, she wasn't as beautiful as Gwyneth Paltrow, I guess, cause, you know, if she had been rich and beautiful, she wouldn't have been neglected to death now, would she?
4. Stars' passport files viewed repeatedly. And now we have the inverse of story 3. Someone's been viewing a celebrity's passport?! The HORROR. Well, you know, if anyone's been 'viewing my passport,' I doubt CNN would do me the favor of telling me about it.
5. CNNMoney: State goes to four-day week. One question. WHICH ONE? As long as it's not Ohio, I'm totally there dude.
6. CNNMoney: Poll ranks environment, economy. Well, thanks! That's informative. As long as they were ranked, that's enough for me!
7. Senator pushes national speed limit to save gas. Mmm. K. I push all sorts of bad ideas that are disgracefully behind the times too, but no one gives me any air time or consdieration. :(
8. YouTube ordered to reveal its viewers. What this headline doesn't reveal is that YouTube has actually been ordered to reveal its viewer's assholes!
9. Ticker: Poll shows troubling trend for McCain. Yes, everyone has realized that death is imminent and they don't want to vote for him.
10. Obama will 'continue to refine' Iraq policies. I'm glad someone is refining policies already!
11. 19th Dallas County inmate freed by DNA. Who's this fucking DNA character? I want him in my office ASAP. There's 12 or so Dz****ns who need off some DUI charges.
12. Longtime Bozo the Clown dead at 83
iReport.com: Share your 'Bozo' memories. Yeah, I took these two together. Alone they were just depressing. Together? Creepy but hilarious!
13. 'Dumpster Muffin' down; 3 tree-sitters remain. I don't know!!!
14. What kind of 'friends' are A-Rod and Madonna?. Well. I think we can all 'surmise' by your cute use of 'quotation' marks, now, can't we?
15. Man reveals all about July Fourth. Really? All? I'm there.
Okay, I'm gonna skip a few here, and just head for the money shot of CNN's headlines for the night:
16. Tape shows van explode into fireball. G'night.

Fox News needs the Video Professor for Photoshop

Seriously guys.
Besides the fact that this is incredibly unprofessional, offensive, juvenile, you name it-- it's not even a fucking good Photoshop. CHRIST.

And yes, if you're wondering, this is real. Fucking Fox News is doctoring photos silently to make you think the people they don't like are eviler, uglier, more Jewish and with yellower chompers. I hope Jacques Steinberg and Steven Reddicliffe sue.

Honestly, though, the thing is, we've been moving toward acceptance of Photoshopping for a while now. I personally am not a fan of it-- whether you're trying to make someone look better (as is usually the case, I presume) or otherwise. Like, how can this be considered "retouching"? Only if by retouching you mean you have reveneered her entire face to look like a lunatic fucking Bratz doll, sure.

02 July 2008

This Fourth of July, try not to eat anything

The 'maters are tainted and so is the beef. Let's just sit out back in patriotic bikinis and thank God that, while we may be starving, at least we look hot as shit.

A first step in the march toward protecting domestic pets

A judge ruled that you cannot, in fact, do whatever the fuck you want to a puppy and get away with it. (For those who don't want to read the actual story, a 19 year old stole a pomeranian puppy and then blew pot smoke in his face until it passed out, apparently just for lols. A judge sentenced him to 60 days in jail and 6 months probation.) Ceiling cat ruled that basement cat gets to take him for a long walk to the basement for eternity as well.

Hurray for that.

01 July 2008

Fill in the blank? Sure....

... you fucking hate women. SO? Also, LOL at the juxtaposition.

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